im thinking being taken off my mood stabilizers was a bad idea now. im nothing but depressed anymore.

i neeeeed to get a job. i applied at michaels and subway today. im REALLY not ready for one because you know, im going to have to work with new people and thats when my social-anxiety disorder kicks in. im scared to meet new people. even though ive been doing a lot better. shiloh and i went to the mall yesterday and there was this really cute boy working there and i got the balls to go up and talk to him. he was really nice and really shy with me, haha. and he kept smiling a lot. he has really nice teeth. and nice hair too. shiloh is such a fun girl to hang out with. we saw a ton of people we knew at the mall yesterday. it was pretty sweet. we went into one of those photobooths where you get pictures and they are put onto a strip. that was awesome too. we are going together to get our hair cut next weekend. we were going to do it tomorrow but i want to keep my hair long for homecoming so that i can curl it. im pumped for homecoming this year by the way. i havent gone to any school dances since homecoming my freshman year. and that was in 2004. that homecoming really sucked because i brought my boyfriend and he ditched me and made out with this other girl. amazing. but this year im going with my friends stephanie, brittany, dave, and these two other people that i dont really talk to but whatever. were going to eat at either applebees, dennys, orrrrrr chilis. we dont know yet. but then were going to the dance and going cosmic bowling after. its gonna be fun.

so much has changed since last school year. i hang out with better people and i go to a lot of places now. im actually getting invited to go places whereas last year people would only use me to get rides somewhere. most of my friends were awful to me last year. like heather who was this girl that i hung out with constantly. shes fucked me over pretty bad a few times and i dont put up with that anymore because we no longer really talk much. but thats ok. brittany and stephanie are always inviting me places now. its great. i never sit at home doing nothing on friday nights now like i used to. like when people would invite me to go places with them and they would tell me they would come pick me up, and then they never show. that used to really get to me and upset me every time. whatever though. everything has been going amazing so far this school year and its about time because i really hated all the drama ive had the past two years.

finallyyyyyy found someone to put my hair extentions innnn.
only took forever.
started saving up for them at the begining of the summer and it took me forever and i had made plans with this one girl when we were still in school asking her if she would be able to do them about a week before school started and she said yeah. so i had been planning on that for the longest time. school starts day after tomorrow and i hadnt heard from her for like the past week so then i started asking other people but none of them really responded back. i had asked my friend kelly if she could do them since shes planning on going into school for cosmetology and she said she could try and shes never done them before shes only seen them get done so i was trying to tell myself its one of those things where if you can see it then you can do it but then i figured it has got to be harder than that. so i changed my mind about letting her do it. then i found a lady at a salon that is going to do it for me and im exctied i get them put int tomorrow at 2pm.

i thought the vmas sucked this year a lot of people were making a big deal out of the fact that ok go didnt sing but i mean come on they were dancing on treadmills who the fuck needs to sing when youre dancing on a treadmill? i love those guys so bad really its good theyre begining to get the publicity they deserve because they are really a great band and their videos always amuse me a lot. i didnt think jack black was very funny and that sarah silverman chick was annoying as hell, seriously. like saying that wanting to go to space is gay... in 5th grade i wanted nothing more than to go to the moon, and im not joking, does that make me gay too? haha. but anyway, i still like last years vmas better, because didddddddy hosted and that guy is just the shit. i think they should get samuel l jackson to host one year because that would just be so amazing.

11 days till the lostprophets show!!!! i am beyond excited. im going to be taking a million and two pictures. i wish i could bring my camera thats made for professional photography but im scared something might happen to it and it costs around $1,000 do i dont know if i would trust myself with it there. and then a week later its gym class heroes!! i FINALLY get to see them. ive been wanting to for the longest time. i thought warped was going to be my only chance but noo theyre coming back. :)

school starts day after tomorrow. it seems like just yesterday i was writing about how much i couldnt get out of those hallways and how much i wanted to get away from all the people. im kind of excited, but not really. my scheudal is going to be really messed up and i dont know what im gonna do to fix it but hopefully i'll be able to figure something out.

wow its been a while since ive written in this.
my summer was not entertaining and i hardly did anything.
i was just now looking through my old livejournal from last year..
( i came across this )

ive changed a lot since ive written that. although i still do care what people think, ive began sticking up for myself more. i dont care what i weigh anymore, really. most girls on the planet look like me, so i have nothing to be ashamed of. although this summer i have lost a lot of weight, but theres no complaints about that.
i still have a bunch of pictures to put in here like the ones from frankenmuth and the ones from the mall of america but i dont feel like doing any of that right now.

i went to a show at the modern exchange yesterdaaay.
it was not fun. i was there for about 10 minutes before i called my mom to come pick me back up.
the girl i brought ditched me as soon as we got there when she said she wouldnt.
she knew everyone there because she hangs out there on a regular basis. i knew no one. i was just there to take pictures for the bands.
so while i waited for my mom i called heather and told her how bad i wanted to leave.
the people there were so scary looking. if looks could kill.
and so i went and sat on this curb in front of this motel that is next door and some arabic guy comes outside and yells at me to get off his property. i looked at him for a second still sitting there waiting for him to tell me he was kidding.
i was like god forbid i ever sit on your curb on the side of dix rd. ever again.
he had really gross teeth too.
i know i didnt miss much though. it was music that i didnt even like. i was just there for photos.
im going to my friends show there on the 2nd i think because he wants me to take pictures for him. im going to get paid for this one daaaay.
so now im sitting here listening to paramore.
ive lost 8 pounds i think or more within the past 2 weeks. not bad.
i wish i could get my sleeping schedual back to normal.
new gym class heroes cd comes out the 25th i think. you should all buy it.
i might be going to warped after all because i want to see them.

a man can be destroyed but not defeated.

been busybusybusysooobusy. only not really.
dont think im going to warped tour. or any other shows for that matter.
been promoting a looooot of bands lately. go to my myspace to check them out.

i dont understand how people can act so fake and be happy about it. but i dont understand a lot of things. people are one of them. theyve let me down too many times now. somehow i still manage to keep a smile on my face. youreallydisappointedme.

today i picked a flower out of a sav-more parking lot and got yelled at for it.
i also witnessed a whole new level of ignorancy. is that even a word?